Put Them Away, Lindsay

To start off today, I want to quote the always excellent Peter Griffin:

"You know what really grinds my gears? This Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan with all those little outfits, jumping around there on stage, half-naked with your little outfits. Ya know? You're a... You're out there jumping around and I'm just sitting here with my beer. So, what am I supposed to do? What you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you're trying to - why why are you leaping around there, throwing those things all up in my, over there in my face? What do you want, Lindsay? Tell me what you want? Well, I'll tell you what you want, you want nothing. You want nothing. All right? Because we all know that no woman anywhere wants to have sex with anyone, and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is - is just bogus. "

Okay, so I'm not going to comment on all of what Peter has just said, but the gist of it is fairly accurate in my opinion. Basically, Lindsay Lohan annoys me. Out of all the attention-seeking, media-hungry, headline-invading "Hollywood Princesses" that there are (and there's a few of them!), Lohan annoys me the most.

Part of this annoyance must be due to the fact that I didn't find her annoying two or three years ago. This is because she was making what I think is known in the Industry as GOOD movies - Freaky Friday (2003), Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen and Mean Girls (2004). Out of these three the best is Mean Girls - a savvy, intelligent high-school movie, something you don't see that often these days. And Lohan was very good in it; she wasn't brilliant, but she was very good.

So where has it all gone wrong, Lindsay, and why oh why oh why has it gone wrong? Her last film role was in I Know Who Killed Me (2007), a feature I don't think was even given the honour of a cinema release over here in Blighty, and which has earned her three Razzie nominations: two for worst actress and one for worst couple (apparently it's about twins or something, I don't know, I don't care).

And now, what's this I see? She has stripped nude to pose for New York Magazine - that's right, New York Magazine, not FHM or Maxim lads mags. It's all in tribute to Marilyn Monroe. Let me ask what might seem a stupid qustion, Lindsay: if you're posing for a tribute photoshoot of Marily Monroe, why are you doing it with no keks on? And honestly, can you really compete with the blonde bombshell to end all blonde bombshells? All About Eve (1950), Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953), The Seven Year Itch (1955), Some Like It Hot (1959), The Misfits (1961) etc. Why not choose an image from one of these iconic films instead of just using Monroe as a flimsy excuse to get your bongo drums out?

Disturbingly, I suspect there can be comparisons drawn between Lindsay and Marilyn however. Thing is, Monroe's obvious talent, which is plain for all to see in The Misfits, was wasted by a 50's studio who were intent on using her blatantly obvious sex appeal to sell movie tickets to a lot of blokes. She kept being typecast in the same old roles - no argument that she was great in them, but she was typecast in them. Now look at Lindsay - her career started the same way, as happens with all teen stars. But now I feel Lindsay herself is using her own party girl lifestyle to get the work she wants to do, which is just as an excuse to stay a step ahead in the media circus from the other "Hollywood Princesses" like Britney and Paris.

There may, however, be one saving grace for Lindsay in my books. Down on my list of rental DVDs is Robert Altman's last picture, A Prairie Home Companion (2006), which Lindsay has a small role in. If she is good in this - and I'm not willing to accept anything other than Very Good - then I'll give her another chance. Until then, put some clothes on and go to acting school!

Laters.